written reflection on the work

This is not an age of beauty
survival
surviving is an active declaration that you are choosing to keep living
surely that counts for something surely
something
somethings can be seen
somethings can be only felt. listen to the feeling.
listen listen listen 
are you listening? How do you do?
Is my heart a muscle of blood or
is it a muscle of love?
something felt
something left. lost. loss.
grief, an old soul
grief, reincarnate
grief, the dying bees
grief in look, in touch, in taste
grief in surviving
are we ruined because we are surviving?
if we are ruined, what do we do?
we are surviving
we are ruined
we are self protecting
we are self sabotaging
there is a monster consuming us
or
maybe we are the monsters.
MAYBE WE ARE THE MONSTERS
there is room for the monsters to grieve 
do not forget, dear monster, that your heart beats 100,000 times a day
an earth day is relative. What is a day? Why is a day? Where else is there a day?
take it away
take us away.
I want us, not something like us
there is only our ruined selves
surviving.
why do we choose this?
where are you now?
if no one is left to see us, and if it was once felt, and if it no longer is, did it really happen?
I don’t know
can we go back? can we only go?
forward?
tell me
tell me
tell.
there is none of you
there is none of me
there is more of you
there is more of me
Please
whatever is or was matters
rebuild
you will not be the same
we will not be the same
if we were not ourselves, could we survive ruined?
we’re the monsters that will swallow this alive.
we are wild things
we are mortal beings
as we were
as we no longer are
as we will one day not be at all
where did we come from?
use this as a reminder that you are an outsider. We are outsiders.
we are made to be bodies out of place
acceptance is a small quiet room.